Joline

As the Titles Pile Up, It’s Time to Share: Recent Great Books

I’ve been on planes a lot lately, so I’ve been consuming books in a voracious way. In between flights I pepper talks with,

“and another book you MUST read is…”

I’ve done this so often lately that I decided to list a few here so I could more efficiently share my new discoveries. You will surmise correctly from this list that I am an eclectic reader. This will either make you think of me as a person with a wide range of interests or an eccentric who scans the world like an owl for a diversified meal of small prey after dark. Either way, this is not a boring list!

Among my new reads, must reads, is Resilience by Andrew Zolli. Andrew is the Exec Director of PopTech and a brainiac by any measure. This book is one of those “a ha” reads that illuminates the world while it puts words and pictures on your deepest intuitive knowledge. Resilience is wonderfully upbeat, and hopeful—it explains why in the midst of head-spinning change we are adapting, can adapt, will adapt, and maybe even get better. If you have not yet organized a family book club, this is the book that you might choose to launch one. A great read for anyone 15+, this is a book that will speak to each generation in a relevant and useful way. Download it before you get on that next flight.

Accidentally I read two books that, in the light of the Boston Marathon bombings, put a new light on war, random victims, and the implications for how cultures and communities are affected by the surreal dimensions of man’s inhumanity to man. The first of my accidental reads was a novel called The Book of Jonas by Stephen Dau. Jonas got up in the middle of the night to empty his kidneys in a privy well away from his main house, escaping as in a strange dream the horror of bombs obliterating his family, his home, his village. A young boy, he runs instinctively into the mountains and hides in a cave, only to meet up with one of the soldiers responsible for the bombing. Their encounter and their impact on one another and on the lives of people who cared for them is a reminder that war is the great unraveler—its impact trickles and pours from one person and place to another…guns, bombs, and drones, no matter how well “controlled” are indiscriminate in the damage they do. This book pushed my pragmatic self to the edge of a radical pacificism. Like the second accidental book, Escape from Camp 14 by Blaine Harden, I want to buy cases of these books and mail them to Congress (do we think those guys actually ever read anything that isn’t delivered as a poll or a review on their own behavior?).

Escape from Camp 14 was apparently first brought to the attention of the American public by 60 Minutes (I missed that episode). But the book surely brought North Korea to my consciousness in a whole new way. The book chronicles the existence of prison camps in North Korea that make Stalin’s Gulag look like summer camp—and it does this by following young Shin Dong-hyuk, as he escapes, impossibly, from Camp 14 and makes his way to China, South Korea, and eventually the US. I am embarrassed I was not more aware of the barbarity of North Korea—and it’s impact on our humanity.

I also finished Gillian Glynn’s Gone Girl. Fair warning: you will stay up all night to finish it. And Ellen Foster, by Kaye Gibbons, is the amazingly vivid and moving story of an 11 year old whose name is not really Ellen Foster—and therein lies the tale.

Finally, lately I have gotten a number of requests for my favorite science fiction books (anyone who has heard me speak lately knows I am finally fessing up to the genre as one way I have kept my eye on weak signals from the future). At the head of the list is Kim Stanley Robinson (The Mars Trilogy: Red Mars, Green Mars, Blue Mars) whose stories contain remarkable scientific details. (May have something to do with his scientist wife, but in any event, he’s a brilliant writer). And now that the Mars Rover, Richard Branson, and Elon Musk are bringing Mars to our doorstep, his scenarios of terreforming Mars seem completely plausible.

I’m also a Neal Stephenson fan because he was the one who, for me, changed science fiction from ‘a distant planet, a thousand years in the future’ to “here” in the not so distant future. Cryptonomicon was the first book of his I read–it is a page turner and enormous fun. I went from there to Diamond Age and then Snow Crash. Both are dark but provocative. He has launched a new project I’m following with interest: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Hieroglyph

Of course Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury are the old classics—Asimov nailed the idea of singularity, which has entranced Ray Kurzweil all these years, and Bradbury was a much more philosophical thinker than most people understood. Shortly after Bradbury died, I shared a paper he wrote for USC’s management magazine in the late 80s, It’s a doozy and if you can’t find it, let me know. And Philip Dick has been so well discovered by Hollywood you hardly have to read him any longer, but I do like Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?.

Frank Herbert, who wrote the Dune series, got me paying attention to water issues long before I moved to California. And Mary Doria Russell’s book, The Sparrow is a very moving, very unusual take on science fiction. One of my favorite books, period. Wow, I could go on but this is already TMI. But check out our GoodReads website for titles we think are relevant to financial education in the broadest sense!

Letters as Change Agents

Kids, Privilege, and Responsibility

Kids, Scissors, and Guns

At an early stage of my career as a clinical therapist, I spent two years working with some of the country’s most violent children. These were children ages 10 through 14 who had been sent to a residential program because they could not be managed at home. One of the physically smallest boys in the program was one of the most dangerous. Most of the time he used his feet, teeth, and fists as weapons, but would use anything he could get his hands on to express his rage. His internal pain and confusion seemed to fuel a strength and intensity that I still remember vividly, decades later.

The children in this program did not choose to be so disturbed. And though they each had a diagnosis and we could often “explain” the wounds and causes of their psychological afflictions, why was an illusive question. Why this child in the family and not that one? Why this behavioral manifestation and not another? The program engaged in research to help illuminate why.

Of course, protecting the children from themselves and others was our first duty. Keeping scissors, sharp objects, and other potential weapons away from them was part of the treatment plan. Vigilance and protection was the staff’s responsibility. Trying to answer why these kids did what they did could not distract us from being attentive to their safety and ours.

I am reminded of this as commentators, legislators, and friends all ask why Adam Lanza murdered twenty children and eight adults in Sandy Hook. For me “why he did it” is a secondary question—one we may or may not answer over time. The urgent question is why are we not keeping weapons fit for war and law enforcement out of the hands of children who have not been identified as dangerous. (Though chronologically 20, Lanza’s actions were developmentally closer to the childish impulses of a 12 year old.)

I was lucky—the kids I worked with were plain to see and had been placed in treatment. But most bullies are undiagnosed; children who are depressed and angry may be viewed as “different” but are invisible until they demand our attention in the most terrifying ways. We have made access to dangerous weapons so easy that we practically invite them to play out their horrifying fantasies and their most dangerous impulses in the public arena. We fail children by not protecting them from themselves.

I am not an anti-gun fanatic. I grew up in a family of hunters. But my father didn’t bag a buck with an assault rifle. None of the hunters in the family felt a yen for an automatic. And the guns that were in the house were not accesible to my brothers and me. I do not think the solution to mass murder lies just in regulation of guns and ammunitions. But it’s at least part of the solution to a complex problem.

As  one member of my staff  (also a dad) observed, “You don’t hear a lot of reports about kids lobbing grenades into schools.” Grenades are harder (though not impossible) to get your hands on. “Why,” he wanted to know, “is it so easy to get access to endless rounds of ammunition and guns that were built for war?”

Regulating ammunition and passing laws against the proliferation of assault weapons is the equivalent of keeping knives and scissors from dangerous kids in treatment centers. As caring adults who profess concern for the well being of the next generation, our obligation is to limit access to weapons.  I don’t need a gun to protect myself nearly as much as I need ways to protect children. I hope this is a moment when we will transcend the disease of polarization plaguing the country to come together and make some common-sense changes to our gun culture. (For clear thinking on the connection between freedom, gun control and culture, I recommend Firmin Debrabander’s piece in the NYT, “The Freedom of an Armed Society“).

And while we’re putting weapons out of the reach of children, we need to make access to help easier for troubled children. We’ve cut art programs and guidance counselor positions. Testing trumps the teaching of emotional intelligence. And as we reduce after-school programs and resources for kids, drops-out and social bullies channel their energy and their visions in all manner of socially destructive ways. By not investing in the most important asset this country has, our next generation, we put ourselves, our kids, and our future at risk.

There are a number of pending bills that could help us protect kids from themselves and from harming others. If you want to make a difference in the face of the tragedy at Sandy Hook, check out the two below. There are many more. Search the internet for “firearms legislation” to see if there is something you can get behind.  Check to see what your legislators are supporting. And while you’re at it, think about what you can do—with your time, talent, and your philanthropic dollars to identify and serve the Adam Lanzas who live in every community. It’s a start.

The Assault Weapons Ban and Law Enforcement Protection Act: Congresswoman Carolyn McCarthy has introduced legislation that (1) reinstates the law as it existed prior to September 2004 and (2) would make the assault weapon and high-capacity magazine ban permanent, and also significantly strengthens current law. Her bill would expand the definition of “assault weapon” to include post-ban “copy cat” weapons, which closes a loophole allowing kits to be sold to modify legal weapons into assault weapons, and enhances the tracing of assault weapons, among other things.

Legislation permitting access to certain information in the Firearms Trace System database. This legislation would repeal the “Tiahrt amendment” that has restricted the ability of local governments to learn the source of firearms that have been used in their communities.

Summer Wonder

While recently cruising off Block Island, Rhode Island, I had a chance to take full advantage of one of my favorite iPhone apps, Star Walk. As we stood at the back of the boat, gazing at the stars in the Milky Way, I was struck by how excited our small group was to discover again constellations that had moved us as children: There’s Cassiopeia! I can see Mars! I just saw a meteor fall!

Now able to combine the visions of the night with immediately accessible knowledge via this App, we felt like kids at a planetarium with an astronomy professor at our fingertips! And then on the next day, as if to remind me what a speck in the galaxy we are, the New York Times provided a link to a breathtaking new video from the International Space Station. Take a minute to enjoy this remarkable view…

Deep summer—these are the nights when we take time to look up, enjoy the heavens, and feel awe. And it’s the season of the Perseid Meteor Shower (the peak this year is August 12/13). So fire up your apps, get out the telescope, and spend an evening as a family in the wonder of the celestial sky—it’s a great way to gain perspective and remember what’s really important.

Family Meeting BHAGs

Sarah Frost (one of IMI’s Master Trainers) and I just returned from a memorable family meeting in Costa Rica.

I’m often asked what happens at a family meeting. For many people, an image that comes to mind is of gatherings around a conference table at which someone—often a patriarch—gives a business report, someone else gives a talk about a new investment instrument or some other topic that is supposed to be relevant to the family, and after that, if they’re lucky, they might have dinner together. If the meeting goes well, dinner could be a warm, friendly affair. If there has been bad news or unresolved conflict (stated or not), the meal may be more of a “grin and bear it” ordeal.

That was not the experience we had in Costa Rica.

Happily more families are getting creative about family meetings—using their gatherings to imagine and realize BHAGs: Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals. These are goals that galvanize people to reach high and contribute their best to realize a big vision. Those of you who remember Jim Collins’ book Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies, will recall his notion that those companies routinely imagined and sought Big, Hairy, Audacious, Goals. Landing on the Moon was NASA’s BHAG. The iPhone was Steve Jobs’ BHAG. These big visions are so exciting, so reality changing, that people line up to be part of something bigger than themselves. That’s the task Great Families set for themselves these days—developing a mission and goals that are so exciting, so engaging, that family members show up for the family meeting with joy and anticipation, not just a sense of duty or dread.

And that was our experience in Costa Rica. I won’t describe the whole meeting—it was after all a private family meeting and discretion is required. But two stories may inspire other families to ratchet up the scale of their family vision and re-imagine the nature of a family meeting.

The first is that of the family vision. I review a lot of family mission statements. Usually they cover an intention to do good, to maintain the integrity of the family, to sustain wealth, etc. All good goals, but nothing you would call a BHAG. This family has two BHAGs: to raise a new generation of mindful global citizens and to make a difference in real human ways.

To raise global citizens this family knows they have to do more than talk. So they have committed to one international trip a year. That is no small feat—it’s expensive, it requires a commitment of time, and it means a lot of time spent together. Anyone who has tried to travel with a best friend or just one or two other family members knows what a challenge it can be to survive a long trip! But in this family, 20 people, ranging in decades from under 10 to over 70 traveled to Costa Rica to experience what was probably more akin to a National Geographic tour or a Kellogg Fellows Study Trip than a conventional vacation. Though we had the advantage of beautiful surroundings and extraordinary service, the emphasis was on learning the local culture, not just traveling as tourists.

Because we believe that financial fluency requires international awareness, we provided the 20-and-under group with a model that can be replicated anywhere in the world and introduced them to tools that help them connect to, understand, and experience local culture, wherever they are. This is not the challenge it may seem to some families. Pre-arrival we had connected to a local school. The children learned the village school was free to students, but many students can’t afford basic materials for learning (paper, pencils, calculators, crayons, etc.). So the children of this family, using their own donor advised fund, purchased and filled backpacks with school supplies that were then taken to the school during one of our afternoon trips. Some of the grown-ups were a little apprehensive: how would this work? But we purchased a soccer ball on the way to the school, and it took half a nano-second for the kids to tumble out of the bus and into the school yard for an instant international match!

Eventually a little order was restored, and the children, fast friends with their new mates, shared the full backpacks and got letters and drawings of thanks in return. The school was “adopted,” and the children, blossoming global citizens, have a human connection to the lives of their peers in another country.

The second story is of lessons that came home. We had invited conservationist and thought leader Alvaro Ugalde to visit with the family to share the story of how Costa Rica’s National park system grew to encompass 25% of the country’s land. Ugalde spoke directly to the kids, never once talking down to even the youngest among them. His story was about the power of one.

Widely regarded as the father of Costa Rica’s park system, he described his epiphany when, as a college student studying biology he realized the country only had about 15% of the land still in forest; the rest had been cut down to accommodate ranchers growing cattle. 40 years ago, at age 22, Ugalde decided he needed to spend his life “saving the rainforest” and reforesting the land, or else there would be little left for biologists to study. Shifting his focus from cells to the macro policies of land use, Alvaro Ugalde became a force for preserving parkland in Costa Rica.

Today, concerned that the land around the parks is deteriorating from continued deforestation, Ugalde and his colleagues have set a new goal—foment a new consciousness about water and the importance of the watershed.

We’ll see how this session impacts the consciousness of the children as they grow, but this was an afternoon that provided a powerful role model for leadership, exercising passion, and making a difference. And the lessons about water that the children took away may well be part of their next “make a difference” projects at home.

As family meetings go, this was a model well worth replicating!

What Families Can Learn From The Ritz-Carlton

I travel a LOT. A few years ago I was on a speaking tour for a company that took me to 50 different cities. It got old fast, but the experience was considerably eased by the fact that the company had a deal with the Ritz-Carlton, so I stayed in at least 30 different Ritz-Carlton Hotels. It’s a pretty good sample pool for drawing some conclusions about how the Ritz-Carlton does business.

The Ritz-Carlton is legendary for its training program. And the year I was on that speaking tour I was grateful for how well legend and reality matched up to improve my quality of life. The staff at the Ritz somehow manages not just to live up to the rules they’ve been trained to, but to embody the SPIRIT of the rules. They ARE the culture of the hotel. In Naples, Florida, I had just checked in and was just entering my room for the first time when one of the housekeeping staff greeted me by name—I had not been in the hotel for 30 minutes yet. I was impressed. The Ritz-Carlton is intentional about providing a consistently high level of service. They train to it. There is a connection between their intention and their aspirations.

I was reminded of the Ritz experience recently when, in the course of a few days I went from a very “cool hotel” in Houston (no names here, I’m not Yelp) to another Ritz-Carlton, this one in Cleveland. The Houston hotel was indeed very cool. The design was whimsical, the vibe was fun, and I walked into the hotel expecting a great stay. But that hotel turned out to be all cover and no book.

Many hotels aspire to the kind of rep the Ritz enjoys. They invest real money in cool design, a name chef, hip art, and edgy marketing. But if the check-in experience is dispirited, service desultory, and the coffee is bad, what the lobby looks like and the marketing folks SAY about the hotel is of little relevance. It is only the authentic experience we take away that matters. In other words, the difference between the intention of the Ritz-Carlton to deliver legendary service and the good intentions of other hotels to do the same plays itself out in how those companies manage intention and execution of plans.

Thus, the lesson for families. We get a lot of calls from families who have good instincts about using education as a strategy for taking their family to the next level, but I can tell if the caller is a Ritz-Carlton or an “other” hotel in a minute. Ritz-Carlton Families never ask if we can provide an education program in a day: they know it’s a life long process. Ritz-Carlton Families know they can’t delegate learning; they have to be involved. And Ritz-Carlton Families are not just going through the paces—they actually see learning with other family members as a joyful, satisfying part of life, a reward for being in a family—not an obligation.

So if you are considering ways to take your family to the next level, I recommend a weekend at the Ritz (and no they are not a sponsor of this blog or IMI:). Pay attention to your experience and think about how investing in human capital has made the Ritz a legendary company. Then think about what investing in your human capital can do to help you take your family to legendary levels!

Economic Self-Defense: The Time is Now

Whatever your view of former Goldman Sachs executive, Greg Smith, he’s a validation of efforts families are making to develop economic self-defense through financial education.

In his New York Times Op-Ed, Smith describes a culture in which the self-interest of management trumps the interests of all other stakeholders. I’m a capitalist. I understand well that making money is a company’s responsibility; profit is good.

But, like all businesses, Goldman has multiple stakeholders—its investors, customers, employees, community, venders, etc—and a responsibility to manage the competing claims of those stakeholders with integrity. When the culture of a company is so impoverished that management derides all other interests but their own, it’s just a matter of time before that company loses the respect and confidence of the larger community in which it operates. And without respect, it is almost impossible to sustain a profitable business. This is not in the best interest of investors or any other stakeholder.

But until financial institutions (and it’s naive to think Goldman is alone in its folly) aspire to a higher purpose than lining the pockets of top management with as much gold as possible, families will do well to remember an old chestnut of capitalism: buyer beware.

There was, some of us like to think, a time when integrity mattered, when trusted advisers could be counted on to manage client affairs with good faith and integrity. But the very concept of trusted adviser is in jeopardy of becoming a quaint memory of another age. The movement towards performance-based expertise is driven, in large part, by the descent of company cultures in which customers become muppets.

Assessing expertise requires a new level of financial fluency in families. Over the last few years we’ve observed families becoming deeply intentional about building capacity among the next generation for economic self-defense. Indeed, it has fueled some of the most creative and interesting efforts in financial education I’ve seen in over twenty years in the field.

I feel sad about the demise of the trusted adviser culture—it was comforting to believe there was someone in a firm functioning as your advocate, someone you could count on. But such complacency helped lead to some of the most outrageous frauds of the early 21st century—from Madoff to Corzine. And families are waking up.

I’m inspired by the investment in human capital we are seeing in families who, rather than depend on the so-called wisdom of their experts, are developing their own knowledge and judgment. Such family development will have the long term effect of making the next generation safer, companies better, and advisers mindful of their fiduciary responsibilities.

Rebooting Birthdays

I repeat my Birthday Rite of Passage Story with so many families that I assume EVERYONE is sick of hearing it. But I’m wrong; not everyone has heard it and, if they have, they forget. So, for everyone who has a child of six and over who will celebrate a birthday in the next few months, here’s an easy way to turn the birthday into a meaningful rite of passage:

The night before the actual birth day, take the child out to dinner—just the birthday child and mom and dad—or mom or dad, depending on family circumstances. This is not a time to divert attention to other kids. Focus. This should be a formal, fancy place: white table cloths and the whole deal—no Chucky Cheese on this night—that’s fine for the next day. We’re going for gravitas the night before. And yes—with 6 and 7 years olds. They get it. While you’re waiting for the appetizer to arrive you need to deliver a short speech that goes something like, “Darling, tomorrow is your birthday. And it’s going to be LOTS of fun—cool presents, a great party, a huge celebration of how happy we are you are alive and part of this family!  But TONIGHT, we’re going to talk about the responsibilities that go with being another year older.”

With this simple declaration you balance privilege with responsibility; fun and games with gratitude. What “another year older” actually means will be different in every family. In some it may be as simple as being kinder to a sibling; for others, setting the table or feeding the dog as a means of contributing to the family; or adding a little more to the piggy bank; or volunteering in the community. It is different by age and family. But it is a powerful message, telling your kids that growing up brings both new privileges (staying up or out later, acquiring greater independence) and new responsibilities.

Full disclosure and acknowledgment: the first year you institute this new rite of passage your kids may blow you off (just another dumb idea from parents); the second year you do the dinner they may roll their eyes (here they go again!); but by the 4th and 5th years, if you are consistent and hang in there, the pre-birthday dinner will be the new normal in your family—a tradition your kids may pass along to their kids. And it will make the expectations of balancing privilege with responsibility a lot easier to communicate for the rest of the year.

I love hearing stories, so let me know how your dinners go.

I need your help.

I’m in the middle of writing a revised and updated edition of Raising Financially Fit Kids and I need your help. What did you like most about the original Raising Financially Fit Kids? What would you like to see in the next edition?

Leave your comment below and let me know. The first 10 helpful suggestions will get a free copy of the book when it comes out.