I’m just back from a family business conference in Istanbul. 70+ multi-generation families from across Turkey convened with the International Family Business Forum to discuss succession and wealth transfer. I gave a talk on preparing the next generation for these happenings and am still processing the the comments that were provoked by my session. I plan to report on it in a few days (when jet lag and brain function have sorted themselves out).

In the meantime, I thought I’d share this piece written by Paul Sullivan for the NYT last Saturday. He quoted me liberally and the piece has elicited strong response from families living through the issues he writes about and that I comment on, as well as from commentators who seem to think that helping ‘rich kids’ is an outrage.

Though I’m deeply concerned about the vast chasm between rich and poor in this country, scapegoating kids who are growing up with means doesn’t seem especially productive. Our job is to provide them with tools to deal with issues that are the unintended consequences of inheriting wealth, not to castigate them for their fate.

As always, I look forward to your comments.

I got an email from a reporter the other day I thought I’d share with you all! Because I am preparing for the webinar on “The Launch” coming up later this month (email me for more info), his email triggered a small rant (below). I’d love your comments.

Here’s what got me started:

The reporter, Steve Fox, writes for SPAN, a publication produced by the U.S. Embassy in New Delhi with the objective of explaining America to a high-end audience of Indians–lawyers, doctors, legislators, executives, etc. He’s working on a piece explaining why, as he puts it, “we in the U.S. put such a high value on working voluntarily at an early age—the paper route, the lemonade stand, clerking in a store, helping out on the family farm or in the family business, that kind of thing. I’ve explained,” Fox continued, “that things have changed in the U.S. and that, in the current environment, with high unemployment and the prevalence of illegal workers, many jobs that might have been done by teenagers or college students are being filled by someone else.” But they [SPAN] want an article nonetheless, partially because the value system in India is much different—middle-class kids there would not be encouraged to work. So I wonder if you would be wiling to give me your thoughts. Is it the Protestant work ethic, capitalism, or values of learning self-reliance that make a difference here?

Because of the webinar and the white paper we’re about to publish on “How Great Families Launch Twenty Somethings,” I have spent a lot of time thinking about this question. This is what I wrote back to him:

The values you describe (work ethic, early work for success) are still core and active across dominant US cultures. And there is still an equation linking work with worth here in the US. Across all income groups, the idea that you do nothing and pursue idleness is anathema, embarrassing somehow. Philanthropy in the United States is another genuine form of meaningful work. But you’re right that the game has changed.

The work we’re doing on ‘The Launch’ phase of family development emerged from families asking us for help getting twenty-somethings ‘launched’ into independent, self-sufficient lives. Subsidy of adult children is a rising problem in this country, across all income groups and the drive to ‘help kids get on track’ is a reflection of our sense that work and worth are connected.

As I first started to work on this issue, I admit to having leaned toward the bias that we were dealing with ’slacker kids’ and overly protective parents (my own work ethic writ large, front and center). But I was wrong. Even very well connected families with kids who are quite accomplished are finding that entry into the work world—and even the volunteer work world—is pretty challenging.

Here’s why: whole industries are shifting and collapsing. Publishing, which use to swallow up thousands of entry level kids hardly exists as we once knew it. It’s social media now and at the entry level it doesn’t pay. Finance has consolidated and replaced low level jobs with technology, law firms are parking associates in non-profits until things ‘pick up’, taking up non-profit slots entry level kids might have taken. And as manufacturing collapsed, ‘middle class’ and working class adults are moving into what would otherwise have been entry level jobs.

The work ethic is very much alive. How to exercise it is getting more challenging. Meanwhile the department of labor just issued guidelines on internships, making the unpaid route to your first job harder. They had to, abuses were rampant. But still, getting a foot in the door for kids who can AFFORD to work free and want to work is even harder.

Which takes us to my new mantra and the new cry you will be hearing more of (and that we’re working with families on): “You can’t assume your kids will be able to take a job; they will have to learn how to MAKE a job.” Slacker kids will in fact have an ever harder time getting established, but the worry is that kids with a driving work ethic will be struggling too. Everything we’re doing with young people these days is aimed at building their entrepreneurial skills, supporting their most tenacious drives, trying to buttress that connection between early work and experience and later engagement in purposeful, meaningful lives (this is not JUST about the money, it’s about building great lives).

It may be that out there in the future I cannot yet see there is a more laid back, less work driven vision of existence that the next generation will morph into. And maybe that’s a good thing. For the moment at least, the best I can say is that we are ‘in transition.’

What do you think? Is there a new work ethic? Is our thinking unique?

Skirt! is a very cool online and print magazine that’s all about women, work, play, creativity, and style. Every month an expert shares advice in a section Skirt! calls “Girl’s First.” This month, they asked Joline to share her advice for aspiring entrepreneurs. Check out three of her tips below, or see full article in Skirt.

1. Be weird.
Before you start a project, pass your idea through the Ben & Jerry’s test. Ask yourself, is it weird enough? Don’t waste your valuable time on something someone else can do easily.

2. Take yourself seriously.
It’s the difference between “maybe someday” and “yesterday I did.” People who believe in themselves get things done. And not taking yourself seriously gives others license to do the same. Never say, “But, I’m a girl,” or “But, I’m too young.” Just do it.

3. Learn the language.
If you’re going to start a business you need to talk the talk. Read the business pages. Subscribe to Inc. and GOOD magazines. Take a business course. Intern for savvy businesswomen. In no time you’ll be fluent in profit, net income, assets, debt and a hundred other business words.

Read all of Joline’s Entrepreneurial Eight.

I think of my work  (financial education for children and families) a little like serving  apple pie to friends after dinner.  I make my crust from scratch,  use Granny apples, a very high grade cinnamon, and not too much sugar.  My friends like the warm, tart juiciness of a pie made for and served to them as an act of caring. Apple pie for friends/financial education for clients, it’s all the same to me.

So I was stunned when, in response to a pretty basic story on my talk for Forty Carrots in Sarasota, FL, a series of snarky, angry  comments began to show up on reporter Jackie Barron’s post. My first response was to reread what Jackie had written. Had she implied a level of privilege associated with financial education? Had I said something unintentionally offensive? What could have prompted responses like:

Why bother? Since the greatest generation that has ever graced Mother Earth has decended upon the rest of us indentured servants; aren’t they going to get their ‘Womb to Tomb’ entitlement programs and not have to worry about debt?

or

That’s right…give them all we can afford and then after thats done…say well here are some gov’t programs…WHAT A LESSON!!!

And there were more with similar tones and similar sentiments. There was nothing remotely political in the reporter’s story, or her interview with me. So the level of anger reflected in the comments has stayed with me over the last few days as I’ve tried to sort out what the reactions were all about. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, a number of people in the audience that night came up to me after the talk and shared their stories. Some had lost jobs, others expressed anxiety about the economy and their families. But they were for the most part eager to go home and start a process of learning with their family–financial education was another tool they could use to help strengthen their family. They were worried, but resilient,  anxious, but determined. I detected none of the anger and resentment projected in the reactions to Barron’s report for the local NBC affiliate.

How could they get so angry over something as basic as apple pie?

So what was going on? Obviously it could just be a run of angry folks feeling defensive about not having done much with their own kids and using the internet as a bullhorn for their crankiness. But dismissing the number of comments that were of the same ilk is a mistake. I think we’ve come to a place where an accepted lack of civility (can we just speak calmly to one another?) has bumped up against a heightened level of anxiety, in a moment of national uncertainty regarding jobs, health care, international standing, personal safety, and worry for our kids’ future. This very unsettling mix has been pumped up like athletes on steroids by talk radio and TV commentators bent on winning ratings competition. “Sex sells” use to be an old stand-by for anyone wanting to market a product–and maybe it still is–but “anxiety sells” is the go-to for today’s media marketers.

And the upshot of this is an anxious public that has forgotten that the  magic of the American character lies not in whining, but in using ingenuity, resilience, determination, and grit to make change. The mean-spirited, undermining impulse to tear down the most non-threatening, vanilla issues (really, can there be anything less controversial than a call for basic financial education for all?) reflects a turn of events we have to reverse. This country’s issues are significant. Bringing sane, civil discourse  to the issue of decent health care, addressing climate change, re-instilling confidence in an ethical financial system, and rebuilding a proud nation that has jobs and justice for all will take the very best qualities we have. Sitting on the sidelines, making snarky comments is not the way to regain international respect or domestic well being. I don’t know what it’s going to take to bring us together for common cause.

But I know that financial education for  children and families is one way we can rebuild a sense of economic independence and personal self-sufficiency. People who understand when they are being manipulated by marketing messages (our face cream will make you look 20 years younger!); who get it when TV personalities clothed as so-called representatives of the people (rather than fronts for lobbyists) make decisions for themselves. Families who live by a set of  clear financial values (living within one’s means, saving rather than spending, sharing, managing credit wisely, etc.) give their kids a safer platform for the future. Financial education is economic self-defense.

Families teaching their kids basic financial skills won’t be sniping at every attempt to build a better world for those kids. The other night in Sarasota, former President Bill Clinton told the audience:

All citizens of this world are in the same boat whether we like it or not, so we might as well start rowing in the same direction.

I think it may be optimistic to get the world rowing in the same direction if, as a nation, we can’t get in the same boat. And I’d like to think that we care enough for one another to want to BE in the same boat. The commentators on Jackie Barron’s post aren’t bad people, they’re just uneasy about the world and their place in it. But they need to get into the boat!

While in Florida last week, I stopped by and did a spot on Tampa’s NBC affiliate News Channel 8. I think they hit the right points. I was trying to drive home how families want to change and where they can start. I’m glad they emphasize that not only can parents start teaching children at a young age, but they MUST. As I’ve said time and again, allowance is not an entitlement. It is a tool for financial education. Since this is so important, I was very happy to hear they grabbed this sound bite.

[To] kids who will say ‘no this is my money,’ the proper response is, ‘no, honey, this is your practice money.

You can also read an article version of the story here. What do you think? Do you feel more inclined to deliver this education now? How about your peers? Do your children (or grandchildren) understand this idea of practice money?